Vacation

I'm off to vacate my body and brain by heading to the BBWnetwork Bash in Las Vegas. I'll be there for a few days and then spend the rest of the time vacating in other parts of Vegas. I expect that I will Twitter from time to time http://twitter.com/catay and maybe even blog, but probably not anything significant. I hope ya'll have a great time!

Attached to this post -- a beautiful desert bloom called Antelope Horn. Ivan captured this shot while down near Fillmore, Utah. Kinda purty, eh?

I'm a little bit purple

I'm not a huge purple afficianado. I mean as color it's quite nice and it's in the rainbow, so how bad can it be? Suffice it to say, I'm not a purple obsessee. What I do like is lavender. The lavender in the garden is starting to bloom and it made me think, "HUH...I'm downright taken with the scent." You see, much of my toiletries are scented with lavender and by default they're bespeckled with purple. My shampoo. My bath soap -- Ivory now has a lavender scented variety and ME LOVES IT. It's not quite as pure as the regular scent, but heck, I'll give up my purity (he!) for a fresh lavender scent. My body lotion. My deodorant. And, last but not least, my shavers. Yes, for some reason the brains-that-be at ye olde Bic's plastic wares plant thought it was important to scent women's shavers with lavender. Methinks the idea came from a woman with a hairy lip. While shaving your legs or your pits there's very little chance you'll catch a sweet whiff of the shaver's handle...but under your nose...YUP...you can smell it! How sweet it is!

Feminine Daintiness (I wish this was an April Fool's Joke!)

First, my friend Andi, an awesome chicka who attended high school with me and has a fun, albeit quite private blog, sent me a note to let me know that my photo appears when searching Google for "listerine douche". Don't use the quotes when searching. You'll find me! Sure enough, there I am in one of my less flattering quasimodo photos. I'm supposedly asking a whole bunch of stupid questions of dubious veracity. Trust me, it's not me. Anyway, I came to wonder why Andi was searching on "listerine douche". Well, apparently someone sent her info on Lysol douches. Yup, LYSOL douches. So...then...well, of course I had to look up lysol douches. OMFG. Yup, apparently in the ultra-clean 50s, women's daintiness (read lack of coochy cleanliness) was the whole reason that marriages fail. It's there in black and white, so you know it must be true. Let me put it in modern terms because I don't think that "feminine daintiness" has the same...oh, I dunno...hippness that it once did.

*Ahem*

Hubby giving you a cold shoulder? It's cuz your vajayjay ain't fresh, girlfriend. If you have to wonder if your lovebox stinks, sister, you know it does. And your husband *knows*. Ooooh boy, does he. What's the solution? Well, let me tell you....it's a solution of LYSOL disinfectant. That's right. Put that up there and awwaaaay goes the unpleasant odors. After you do this, your husband will be visiting *your* bed once again.

Ok, the *your* bed may be a little too post-modern for today's woman. ;-) It's just soooo crazy to even think that 1. they thought it was a really good idea to use disinfectants in this way. I mean, I'm sure they really wiped things clean, but it had to do some damage along the way. 2. WTF. I know that advertising preys upon women's insecurities even today, but c'mon, did women believe this crap back then? I kind of think they probably did. I mean women today buy into the crap that they need to be slender to get and keep a man, a job, a friend, a life. It's all bullshit, but we buy it anyway. If there's a way we can achieve the dream of "perfection" as advertisers see it, we will plunk down our change to chase it. Agggh. Kids, it's pretty simple. There is NO SUCH THING AS BODY PERFECTION. Be the best person you can be and people will want to be with you...even if your coochy isn't *fresh* every minute, or if you have a fat bum. Or you have thin lips. Or you have flat hair. Or you have less-than white teeth, etc, etc, etc, etc.

For a little fun reading, I give you a selection of Lysol ads from the 50s:

Happiness is...

Bright, Spring-y, new sheets and new fluffy pillows upon the bed. Love that.

Horsing Around

  I took this picture the other day while at the step-son-in-law's mom's house. (I should have just said, "a friend's" house...let's keep it nice and generic, shall we? How lame does it look to have a double possession of thrice removal? So, yeah. It just seemed like a stark reminder that childhood does end, it gets overgrown and forgotten in a far away field. Then again, maybe it's a reminder that the wilds of childhood spirit lives! Eh, maybe it's just open to interpretation of mood.

Creepy yet Fun...perfect for Halloween

  I found this article browsing around online today. The look on the pumpkin is especially creepy, but hey, so is the chick's painted on eyebrows. It's a cool idea, too. I remember having molds for cucumbers years ago, but never had one big enough to mold a pumpkin. How festive!

Ass-What?

Maybe it's just me, but I saw a commercial for "Aciphex"...or maybe I should say I heard a commercial for Ass-Effects. Or was it Ass-FX? I thought it would be a great name for an anti-gas treatment. Turns out it's an anti-heartburn medicine. Do you think the marketing department at Eisai and Ortho-McNeil even considered the sound of the name? They really should have. It's funny, though, when you actuall SEE the name, the ~ass~ is less evident. It's completely just an aural reaction. I wonder if they'll do radio ads and if they do, do you think the ultra-conservative FCC will react harshly?

Get Lucky in Utah!

OH, yeah, ummm...you're invited, too! I'm hosting a 7-7-7 party on Saturday, so if you're not busy with a wedding, stop on by! Apparently it is THE wedding day for thousands of people -- I'm sure it helps to remember the date and you know, it sounds sooo "lucky". Sorry I didn't get the invite to you sooner! Click the mini one to the left to view full size. OH, and if you can't get lucky in Utah, be sure to get lucky somewhere else. :-)

Boom, Boom, Boom. Another one bites the dust. Boom. Boom. Boom.

I left my computer for about half an hour. As I was heading back to my office, I came back and heard a low bass sound. I thought someone had turned up their car stereo outside. As I drew closer to the office. I could tell it was coming from inside the house. My computer had gone to the "blue screen of death" and the speakers were "Boom. Boom. Boom." very loudly and quite rhythmically. Same heavy rock rhythm as "Another one bites the dust." Luckily that wasn't the tune it was playing and it came back up after a dramatic power-down.

It's not every day...

It’s not every day that one sees a dead body. Well, maybe if you’re a coroner or medical student. If you watch CSI regularly, you see ‘em a lot, too. But in real life…really not that often. Typically, just at funerals for most people.  That’s why when we saw a woman on the street dead, after getting hit by a car, it makes a pretty strong impression. It was a couple of days ago. Ivan and I were downtown Salt Lake, just got done looking at a lot to dig. We drive down North Temple and see a BUNCH of police lights. I figured it was a car that got pulled over and they found drugs. That’s the usual scene with lots of cops on the road in one spot. Anyway, Ivan wanted to drive by and take a peek. I was thinking that guns would be drawn, so I thought maybe we should pass. Ivan was driving, so down the few blocks we go. There on the street was the body along with a bag of groceries. You couldn’t see anything gory, just the body under the sheet and the feet sticking out.  It was just one of those reminders that life is pretty fragile. Here walking along with your groceries in hand. The next minute flattened on the road. You just never know. 

 

The news reports indicate that the car hit the woman in the inside lane no where near a crosswalk.  I’m a big fan of crosswalks, especially at night, and even more so on a 5 lane road. I feel bad for the victim and their family. I do wonder however, why she chose to cross there? The crosswalk wasn’t *that* far down the street. I feel even worse for the driver of the car that claimed that she didn’t see her at all. Sure, maybe the driver was exceeding the speed limit. I have no idea if that’s the case or not, but how many of  us DO exceed the speed limit every day? Pretty much 99% of us, right? So, there you are, driving along and BLAMO, you hit someone. How much is your life suddenly changed? I’m guessing quite a bit, whether you’re charged with vehicular homicide or not. Just the weight of the emotions with having snuffed someone’s light when you potentially could have avoided it happening. I’m sure you would question everything over and over again. You’d start seeing people in front of your car every time you start the engine. Anytime you step into your car, you’re reminded of that night.  Reminded that life is fragile and that you are driving a huge weapon of destruction every day.

 

So,  yeah, it’s not every day you see a dead body. It’s not every day that you get run over. It’s not every day that you kill someone either. Death touches people every day. Maybe this is your lucky day where you won’t be touched, but you just never know.

Active?

I was drawn like the moth to the flame. I saw the bright green bottles sitting on the store shelf. I had to have it in my cart! I purchased the Fructis shampoo/conditioner and headed home. Upon using it in the shower, I read "with Active Fruit concentrate". ACTIVE FRUIT? I always thought the standard STILL LIFE subject was a bowl of fruit. How can this be? Two opposites describing one simple object...fruit. Specifically apples. I've eaten apples. Maybe you have, too? Aside from my mandible and tongue moving it from tooth to tooth there was no activity. Just tasty goodness. So, what has turned this sedentary fruit to an active lifestyle? We may never know.

Online Classes...

My step-daughter told me that she took an online college class in addition to her normal class schedule. Curious, I asked, "What was the subject?" To which she replied, "Fitness. I got an A." Aside from a creative writing class, it's the only class where fiction is appreciated.

Odd Spam

My spam emails have gotten kind of funny. I'm not sure if I've suddenly gotten targeted by a different spammer or if the same old spammers have gotten "into" cartoon spam. Anyway, they're all for some sexual enhancement thing. The titles actually look like real email...you know, something like "About your site" or the like. They don't get marked by my spam filter either. So, I click away and open 'em up...only to find a cartoon of Bart Simpson with an overly accentuated phallus touting some product. Today was a brand spankin' new image...a muscular snowman complete with a carrot nose screwin' a cartoony anime-type chick. It's burned in my brain now. hehehe. I'll never look at a snowman in the same away again. Unfortunately for my spammer, I don't remember the product just the image. I would share the image with ya'll but I do a shift-delete to permanently delete mail and did so without even thinkin' 'bout it. If I get it again, I'll share.

Things are getting spooky....
I was out to dinner last night with my friend Alexandra at a place called "The Malt Shop". Surprisingly enough, they sell malts. Midway through dinner we were talking about the trip we took to Washington, DC in June. She was talking about the other roommates snoring habits. (Not me, of course. hehehe. Ok, me included! Apparently I fell asleep on my back...i'm normally a tummy sleeper...when I sleep on my back --> *snorttttlechuck*. Back to the story...) She started talking specifically about an incident with Judy, our other roommate, when my malt started moving across the table. We were looking at each other while talking, but slowly our eyes met the malt. It moved fairly quickly and quite fluidly about 6 inches. After about ten minutes of can't-breathe-anymore laughter, we tried to get the thing to move again, but it met with great resistance on the table. Spooky eh?? I guess it moved 'cuz of ice melting on the outside and creating a slick of water, but we'll never know. It didn't seem to be *that* much water under it, and like I said, we tried to mimic the action again, but couldn't get the thing to even water ski with our finger pushing it. Oh, well. Kinda fun, eh?

Do you wash your hands after leaving the restroom?? Hmmmm?? I will not, errr...cannot leave the bathroom without washing my hands. Here's the article that provoked this rant: (Star Tribune article) When I'm at work sitting in a restroom stall doing my thang, I listen to the other chickas leave the restroom. It never fails...about once a week a woman will leave the restroom without even a drip of water from the faucet. I used to pay closer attention as to who was in the restroom when I had to actually do tech stuff at other people's keyboards...well, 'cuz I'm a nut and I don't want to touch a keyboard of a person who won't wash their hands when leaving the restroom. Ewwwwww! Anyway, now that I *rarely* have to visit a client workstation, I'm less fanatical about it. Suffice it to say, too, that I've had less colds and flus in the past two years of not needing to visit other's workstations. I'm sure that's in part due to the whole sans-washing thing. It takes just a few seconds with a wee bit of soap and water to kill a load of bacteria. Is it *that* hard to do? No. I've heard some women say, especially in winter, that their hands get dried out if they wash their hands too often. Hello? Have you heard of lotion?! *ahem* Stepping off my wee soap box now...

How to put a duvet cover on your king size comforter by yourself.
1) Fold the top of the comforter down to the bottom.
2) Fold the right side over the left.
3) Smoosh the comforter through the hole in the duvet
4) Get the bottom left corner into the bottom left corner of the duvet cover.
5) Crawl into duvet cover.
6) Panic that you are caught in the duvet cover and will never be freed.
7) Breathe deeply.
8) Relax
9) Realize that even if you do get caught inside, the rest will be comfy on top of the four layers of the feather comforter/duvet. 12+ inches of fluff!
10) Unfold the right side of the comforter to the right side of the cover so that bottom right corner of the duvet mooshes properly into the right hand cover corner.
11) Find the exit of the duvet cover
12) Climb out.
13) Pull the top end of the duvet towards the top end of the cover.
14) Moosh the corners of the duvet into the corners of the cover.
15) Button up the cover.
16) Sleep.

Why do we believe hieroglyphs or cave paintings to be "historical" writings? Couldn't they just be fiction or modern day romance novels? hehehe