Maybe it's just me...

But at this stage of the political game, the "undecided" Democratic Superdelegates are just political superpussies. Pick your frickin' candidate already. Everyone else had to vote already...

Feminine Daintiness (I wish this was an April Fool's Joke!)

First, my friend Andi, an awesome chicka who attended high school with me and has a fun, albeit quite private blog, sent me a note to let me know that my photo appears when searching Google for "listerine douche". Don't use the quotes when searching. You'll find me! Sure enough, there I am in one of my less flattering quasimodo photos. I'm supposedly asking a whole bunch of stupid questions of dubious veracity. Trust me, it's not me. Anyway, I came to wonder why Andi was searching on "listerine douche". Well, apparently someone sent her info on Lysol douches. Yup, LYSOL douches. So...then...well, of course I had to look up lysol douches. OMFG. Yup, apparently in the ultra-clean 50s, women's daintiness (read lack of coochy cleanliness) was the whole reason that marriages fail. It's there in black and white, so you know it must be true. Let me put it in modern terms because I don't think that "feminine daintiness" has the same...oh, I dunno...hippness that it once did.

*Ahem*

Hubby giving you a cold shoulder? It's cuz your vajayjay ain't fresh, girlfriend. If you have to wonder if your lovebox stinks, sister, you know it does. And your husband *knows*. Ooooh boy, does he. What's the solution? Well, let me tell you....it's a solution of LYSOL disinfectant. That's right. Put that up there and awwaaaay goes the unpleasant odors. After you do this, your husband will be visiting *your* bed once again.

Ok, the *your* bed may be a little too post-modern for today's woman. ;-) It's just soooo crazy to even think that 1. they thought it was a really good idea to use disinfectants in this way. I mean, I'm sure they really wiped things clean, but it had to do some damage along the way. 2. WTF. I know that advertising preys upon women's insecurities even today, but c'mon, did women believe this crap back then? I kind of think they probably did. I mean women today buy into the crap that they need to be slender to get and keep a man, a job, a friend, a life. It's all bullshit, but we buy it anyway. If there's a way we can achieve the dream of "perfection" as advertisers see it, we will plunk down our change to chase it. Agggh. Kids, it's pretty simple. There is NO SUCH THING AS BODY PERFECTION. Be the best person you can be and people will want to be with you...even if your coochy isn't *fresh* every minute, or if you have a fat bum. Or you have thin lips. Or you have flat hair. Or you have less-than white teeth, etc, etc, etc, etc.

For a little fun reading, I give you a selection of Lysol ads from the 50s:

Prostitution In the Media

New York Governor Spitzer has been connected to "high-priced", "high-dollar" prostitute. Does it make a difference if the prostitute is getting more money than the ones on the street? Every news story I've heard about this mentioned the "high-priced" bit. Is this supposed to make him look better or worse? Like, "Hey, he's an idiot for spending so much money...he could get it much cheaper on 5th Street." Or is it supposed to make me think, "Well, gosh, he cheated on his wife...but at least he got one of those classy high buck whores." It's one of those added titilating terms that news writers use. It doesn't add to the scandal's actual news worthiness, but it adds to the perception of the news worthiness. Spin news, spin!

Utah is special...

I know Utah is full of conservatives...Mormon and not. Most of the time it really doesn't make any difference in how I live my own life. A few things, however, have arisen that make it more apparent that I live in an ultra-controlling conservatively off center locale. The other day, listening to the radio, the song, "Rockstar" by Nickelback came on. Now, while it may be taken seriously by some people, I find the song pretty funny and it's got an awesome grooooove to it. I especially like the little devil voice asking questions of the lead singer. At one point in the song, (here's the lyrics for those of you unfamiliar) he says that he's going to have a drug dealer on speed dial. The bleeped out "drug dealer!" OH, that's right, the rest of the seven deadly sins explicitly detailed in this song was ok...but yeah, that "drug dealer" part...wipe that out. It's far toooo explicit. "Seriously, boys and girls, when you want to be a rock star...go for everything but the drugs. Real rockstars don't do drugs." Bwwwwaaahahah.

The problem with censorship like this is that hiding the elephant of drug addiction in the room won't keep kids from trying them. Capice? Hiding it and keeping it baaaad makes it seem really, really cool for those kids wanting to be anything but their conservative parents are pretending not to do.

As if censoring music isn't bad enough, the State passed some new alcohol control laws. No longer will the grocery stores carry the already-extra-diluted-and-made-special-for-Utah alcapops (Mikes Hard Lemonade and the like). They can still carry anything that tastes bad -- like the extra diluted beers. I personally don't like the taste of alcohol and have rarely had anything alcoholic to drink, but when I did, I preferred a fruity cover up to avoid the flavor. Now, if on the off-chance I wanted something like that to drink, I would have to hunt down the state run liquor stores which are few and far between...and they're so freakin' hard to find. They're casually marked, dark dingy cinderblock buildings in bad neighborhoods (which really aren't that bad...just bad as far as Salt Lake goes.) So, yeah, the once a year trip to the house-o-liquor may get cancelled again this year.

In addition to the alcapop change, they're delving into the bars aka "private clubs for members" here in Utah to try to make the laws appear more normal to visitors. Ummm...I think they messed up. The new law affects shots...if you're drinking a margarita for instance, you cannot order an additional 1 ounce shot of tequila, but you can order a 1 ounce shot of vodka. See, if it's in your drink already, we don't want you to order an additional ounce to spice it up. No sirreeee...you've gotta drink something different, dangit. OH and don't even think of ordering a double shot...still illegal. Two ounces? Are you serious?! Far too much in Utah. So, if you're looking to get drunk in Utah, please remember that variety is the spice of life -- order a mixed drink and an extra shot of liquor not already contained in the mix. Oh, remember, though, that you can't have more than 2.5 ounces of alcohol in front of you at any given time (down from 2.75 oz), so drink up quickly and get on with your life.

Those "Fat Looks"...

If you're super fat, you definitely know what I mean. The looks that you get from rude individuals who nudge, comment or make faces as you walk by. I mention "super fat" because while I do believe that fat people of all sizes have received "the look" at some point, only the super fat get to see it on a nearly daily basis. Let me give you an example of why I say that. If a person who is just on the cusp of being "fat"--say a size 14 or so-- walks into a restaurant, of the other patrons there, only ~5% of them will even take note of your girth. If you're a size 20, maybe 10%. At 300lbs, you're probably garnering 50% attention, even if it's just a passing glance. If someone comes in at 600lbs, you can be sure that 90% of the restaurant will look. It's not something they see often, so even if the look is one of admiration, they will have their eyes caught by the girth of the individual coming in.

I probably get a good 60% of the patron's attention at my size, so I feel pretty attune to those looks to the point where I can predict within a fairly good margin whether or not someone will do the negative "look/nudge/comment". You have your basic young punks, insecure teenage girls and then...you have the old people. Those are the ones that really surprise me even after years of being this fat and getting ~the look~.

How can someone who has made it to a ripe age of 65+ be so shallow/bitter/rude? Did they learn nothing in all those years? Apparently, wisdom and grace is NOT an automatic token granted upon old age. I fear that all too often, idiots will be idiots to the day they die. I do wonder, too, if the old women who make comments didn't diet their entire grace away. They're bitter about denying every last chocolate chip cookie or other indulgence. I guess I'll never know.

What came to mind this weekend while in Vegas...I think I should start carrying business cards that say something like, "You're rude!", "Buy a clue", "Apparently Grace Doesn't Come with Age", etc, etc. I would simply drop off the card as I pass, or maybe stop and go back to drop it off if I hear something offensive after passing by the idiot. I was thinking I could include a website address for those to look for further information. The following URLs are available:

YouShouldBeEmbarassed.com
INeedtoLearnManners.com
NeedtoLearnManners.com
UNeedManners.com
IWasAnIdiotInPublic.com
PublicManners.com
HowToBehaveinPublic.com
HowToPlayNiceWithOthers.com and
PublicIdiocy.com.
What do you think?

Oh dear. I've got to talk Politics

I really haven't seen much need to post about politics for several years...until now. I see that Romney has stopped his campaign bid. Not that I was ever a Romney fan, but he was one of the lesser evils of the Republican party. Now it looks like evil McCain is going to get the elephant party nod. A scary thought. I would even swallow Huckabee easier than McCain even though I feel Huckabee is a bit too much of a religious zealot.

Oh, the pain...the pain that comes with the thought that McCain could be in the White House. We'll have four more years of war. Four more years of economic disaster. Please. Make. It. Stop. Now, regardless of who wins the Democratic nod, I'll have to vote for them. My Utah vote won't really count in the "electoral college" since this is a red-red state, but at the very least the popular vote count will get one more for the anti-McCain front.

Game Shows & Society

How screwed up is society that someone who simply answers truthfully to
a series of questions could win half a million dollars? "Moment of
Truth" is the gameshow on Fox. Have we as a socity completely removed
ourselves from honesty and openness that this would actually be hard to
do? It just seems so sad.

Job Performance

Does it strike anyone else odd that the government is scrutinizing
professional athletes' use of performance enhancing drugs, yet they
don't look into Wall Street execs or doctors or any number of
professions using speed to enhance their performance. The list of
potential drug offenders using substances to enhance their particular
skills is staggering. Hell, I don't think I could do my job without
caffeine. Granted, that's not illegal, but it is a drug in a very real
sense. So, really...baseball ...why is that being targeted? Something
seems quite fishy.

The Day After Thanksgiving is....

I'll admit, I'm awfully tempted to pick up an HDTV tomorrow, but NO, I will not. Not because adbusters.org says so, but because, seriously, nothing irritates me more than the day-after-Christmas advertising.
"Hurry in, don't be the loser who ends up paying .50 more for this piece of crap." or
"Get what Janie really wants -- this toaster oven! It will make her love you more than evaaaah."

Oh, I should also add that day-after-Christmas shoppers irritate the hell out of me, too. The all too common "me-me-me" attitude of pushy customers trying to get the bargains. Is the .50 savings worth that sh*tty behavior? Then, after elbowing each other, we need to stand politely in exceedingly long lines at the checkout? WHY??

So, yeah, tomorrow, if you can avoid it at all, DO NOT GO SHOPPING. STOP ~BUYING~ THE BUY-THIS-NOW-OR-LOSE-OUT approach to gift giving.

To my friends...I'm so, so, sorry!

I know I've influenced you in this life's journey. Little did I know that I made you fat. I understand if you don't call or write anymore. *sniff* *pout* I hope that when I see you again, you will be at the weight you were intended to be. Clearly, you won't be bloated anymore by our friendship. *sniff* *pout* Read more on why I've caused you such a fat fate, here.

To my so called "friends" who are thin. Bitch, I knew you didn't like me...and it clearly shows in your waistline. *hmph* ;-)

Right out of Left Field

I purchased a new washer the other day from Lowes/Whirlpool. While I often disregard the registration card that shows up in the product literature, I figured, I better submit the registration just in case this beast gets recalled on account of too many electrocutions, or whatever. After filling out the registration information, I was prompted with a satisfaction survey. All typical questions about the quality of service at the store where I purchased the washer. Until...well, until the final question. "Would you use complementary medicine such as acupuncture or massage if it were included in your health insurance benefit and had a copay of $100?" What the fuck? I was happily answering questions about my experience buying and suddenly I was thrust into a discussion about health care options? So very odd. Maybe they were just testing to see if I was paying attention? All in all, very odd. See a screen capture of the survey above.

Glacial Lake Vanishes in Southern Chile

A five-acre glacial lake in Chile's southern Andes has disappeared. (Surf to your local news site for more information on this story.) Scientists are stumped, but I have my own theory as to where all of the lake went. Las Vegas. The overbloated, water-sucking, fun-time, desert oasis is constantly searching for potable water. It found it in Chile. A few pipelines here, a few pipelines there and you've got a moistened desert hot spot...and one large missing glacial lake.

On a more sensible, serious note, shouldn't there be a limit as to how large Las Vegas can grow? It is a really dry desert for gosh sakes. There was a time, not that long ago really, when settlers moved west and stopped to take up residence in spots where water was plentiful. You see, back then, they realized that water was essential to life.

Now, 21st century settlers just *expect* water to appear through the tap without giving it a second thought that it has to come from *somewhere*. Vegas is trying to buy water from Utah and other areas, too. Do ya think that maybe, just maybe there should be a limit on development? Nah, that would be too logical and against good old American bloatishness.

Even here in the Salt Lake Valley a mountainous desert area, we're reaching critical mass as to how many people can be supported by the mountain run-off. In the days of 1847, the Mormon settlers who came were brilliant, really. There was lots of water availble for the small settlements. They built irrigation canals which are still being used today. Unfortunately, with the bloat of housing developments, secondary canal water is rarely used to water our desert-lawns. No, all those lush lawns are watered with precious clean water. The very same water that is slowly, but most assuredly, running out. Given the rate of population growth and the potential for global warming changes, I give this area 50 years, tops, before it's buying water from Montana...or just closing up shop entirely.

One down...Many More Will Follow

With the death of Jerry Falwell today, I feel a weight has been lifted from my moral compass. There's one less dark leader -- an evil-doer masquerading as the religious righteous. Ah, you know at times I think it's wrong to be happy for a death. In this case, while I feel for his family's loss, I'm quietly hoping that there is a hell whilst confident that if there is one, Mr. Falwell is on his way for a visit.

Botox. Cosmetic?

Botox, you hear a lot about it, but do you really know what it is? Have you ever heard of botulism? It's a serious medical condition that can occur after consuming food bourne botulin toxins. A type of food poisoning. Ever heard of people being afraid of home canning? What are they afraid of? Well, for one thing, botulism. If you can food that's low in acid, a can of corn for instance, and you do a basic water-bath during the processing, it's not going to be safe to eat 'cuz the low acid food will still contain some bacteria that will produce the botulin toxins as they sit on a shelf. It doesn't really change the taste of the food, so you don't know that the can has gone bad until...until...until you suffer a nervous system break down called botulism. Anyway, bad stuff, right?

Well, while doing a search for "botulism" come to find out that Botox IS the botulinum toxin. It's injected in small doses under the skin. How scary is that? They use it for the lines between the eyebrows, to stop underarm sweating, etc. How does it do all this, you might ask? Basically it works locally in your system to interrupt the nerves that work the muscles between the eyebrows, and in the case of the sweaty pits, it temporarily blocks the nerves that stimulate the sweat glands. Yum.

I'm thinking that as a side job this summer, I'm going to non-preserve some crushed tomatoes, put it on a shelf for a couple of months. Then, when it's all good and toxic, I'll sell it as a Botox alternative. Or "Botoxal®". Yeah, I like the ring of that. "Just slather Botoxal® on your forehead and in your arm pits. It'll work reaaaaal niiiice. "

Not for Mothers Everywhere

Contrary to the advertising I've been seeing/hearing... not every mother wants a pink camera for Mother's day. Don't believe the advertising. They're just trying to clearance out the pink crap that no one is buying. Capice? *ahem* That being said, I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who appreciate pink cameras. Most of them are named Elle Woods, Attorney at Law.

Coffee in Utah

It's taken pretty seriously, this liquid. Especially by the LDS / Mormon Church. Apparently there's a HUGE hubbub going down over t-shirts which depict the hand of god pouring coffee into the angel Moroni statue. The angel Moroni is atop all of the LDS temples, so it may or may not be familiar to you. Anyway, the Church has cried fowl and suggested that the the use of the angel Moroni statue is copyright infringement. Huh.

A couple of things -- 1. What is it about idolizing false idols that the church rails against? Oh, yeah, that. Seems a bit odd that they would be upset about the use of an "idol" on a t-shirt. 2. Secondly, if the church has actually copyrighted the image of the angel Moroni, isn't it something created and not divine?

Seriously, the bottom line more than likely isn't that there is truly copyright infringment, but because the church has billions of dollars at its disposal it is able to push it's weight to prevent a parody of anything they find offensive. It's not about the statue. It's about the coffee being closely tied to the church.

Given the resources that the church has and the fact that the coffee shop "Just Add Coffee" is just one little shop up the street from me, the guys have decided to change their t-shirt design. (The new one is pictured on the right). It now states, "The Lord Giveth and A Church Taketh Away." with a picture of God's hand pouring coffee into a trumpet. Of course it's not Moroni's trumpet...or is it??

Oh, the humanity! Wait...it's humanity! Scanner that sees through clothes!

The new airport scanner that supposedly shows the "the body's contours with blush-inducing clarity" is shown to be "controversial". People are worried that their ~gasp~ body will be visible!

Let's step back a second and put your ego in check. Your body is just like everyone else's body. Who gives a flyin' flip that your body contours will be visible? I'm sure after seeing hundreds of bodies each day, even the scan operators will yawn when they see your visage, too. I feel that so much of the fear of losing body-privacy in this instance is due to some sort of malformed belief that "we are all individuals." Sure, we're all different right down to our DNA, but on the scan-screen we're all pretty much the same. Most have two nipples. Most have two arms. Most have body fat. Most have two legs, etc, etc. There's nothing sooooo unusual from body to body. So, again, to those of you worried about getting ~exposed~ -- get over yourselves and realize that your body is boring just like all the rest of 'em.

A couple of eBay whines

1. The greedy bastards are hiking up the costs...again. As if the billions and billions they're raking in wasn't enough. It's really pretty pathetic.
2. I received a notice the other day that they were not able to automatically withdraw funds for January's fees directly from PayPal due to "technical difficulties." Excuse my pointing out the obvious -- PayPal and Ebay are one and the same company now. How f*cking hard is it to withdraw your own f*cking money. Can't a technogeek within the gold gilded walls figure out how to turn on the switch so that Ebay's database speaks with PayPal's across the room?? Maybe the fee hike mentioned in 1. is to buy a clue? Or to buy a new network admin? In any event...BOOOOO.

Ode To The Ugly Check Card

Always there...gleaming in your ugly orange and yellow. The ugly step-child to the pretty, sparkly ~real~ credit cards. Though far from beautiful, you never failed to provide the necessities of life. You lost my signature time and time again, yet you were always willing to step up to receive my ink. Your pretty bird lost its lustre, but you never lost your edge. Thank you, dear ugly check card, for your many years of service. I apologize for those who have wronged your number and taken you from us. They know not what they have done.

Will the idiot trying to break into my Blogger...

Please give it a break? I really don't need to receive any ~reset password~ requests. Thank you.

More news on my stolen check card...

I received a call tonight from a company called "mediaring.com". You guessed it...another international calling company. They asked for me with my married last name...not the name on the card. A *clue*. It's definitely not being used by someone who physically had the card. Most likely an online theft. Still no idea on which site, though. The woman who called had a really thick accent, so it was a little difficult to discern, but I think I have an email that *may* (but honestly, probably not) point to the loser trying to use my card. Oh, the drama of it all!

Oh for f*cksakes...

I just got off the phone with Visa and my bank. My Visa account has been compromised! AAAAAAAAck. Luckily, Visa Fraud protection was ~watching~ my account. So far, only 15 or so fraudulent charges. All 'of 'em on Yahoo Voice international calls and some company called IConnectthere.com -another international call company. I've never lost or given my check-card to anyone else, so ~they~ (whoever idiots ~they~ are) got my number from an online transaction. Grrrrrr. Aaaack. Grrrr. With any luck, my identity won't be stolen. Ya'll remember me, right? (If you ever saw "The Net", you know that just knowing who I am could be detrimental to your health. You're warned.)

Go Fishing!

What do you do when you get a “fishing” email. You know, the kind asking for your account number, credit card number, account name, etc because there “may have been a ________ issue with your account” or other fake email topics? What do I do? I spam ‘ em back. I click on their link and type in expletives over and over and over again. Fill out the form, send, click back, REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT. I’m hoping that I can clog their emails with results of ID = “f*ckyou” password = “get a life asswipe”. (prounounced azzweeeepay of course). I don’t do it all the time, but once in a while, I’m inspired to give back to my community. I encourage you to do the same.

Stupid Food Creations

Topping my list of new stupid food creations -- Oscar Meyer Fast Frank. Take something that's super easy to make -- the simple hot dog and make it even simpler. Package it in a "conventient" 3 pack and promise "bakery fresh" buns after it's been 'waved. I really didn't think this was serious. Next thing you know, there's going to be strips of ketchup and mustard that you peel and stick on the dog. It's going to save you time and of course it'll taste just like *real* ketchup and mustard. Oh, wait...an even better idea than the lazy dog. Why not sell toast already toasted? It'll save SOOOO much time and really, it'll taste just like real toast straight from your toaster plus or minus a few extra chemicals....

"Tastes Just Like an Oreo..."

That's their basic push in the advertising for Chocostix. Maybe it's just me, but if it tastes just like an Oreo, why would I buy the ChocoStix? Is it the chocolate on the outside that's supposed to sway buyers? If so, why wouldn't they just buy the chocolate covered Oreos? Is it the stick shape? If it's the stick shape that is drawing me in, I might as well buy a KitKat. Are confectioners losing creativity or is the general public too tied to familiarity? Why not a candy bar that "Tastes just like a cherry pie?" or something equally hard to find in a handy portable shape?

Hey. Hey. Hey NOW...

I can’t avoid artificial sweeteners. I mentioned this before, but the “sneaking” of artificial sweeteners like sucralose and Ascesulfame Potassium is getting WAY out of hand. It’s freakin’ everywhere. In foods that are NOT “diet”. I just bought some Kool-Aid singles. I rarely have a need for more than just a single serving, so having a pitcher full of the stuff in the fridge would be pretty wasteful. So, here I am makin’ my cup of childhood-summer-in-a-glass. I take a peek at the ingredients. HOLY SUCKWADS. Sucralose and the ascesulfame K. Oh, but the first ingredient IS sugar. So, why the artificial crap??GRRRRRRRRR. What the f*ck. No where on the packaging does it indicate it’s low sugar or “diet”. I’m really, really convinced now that they’re trying to get us quietly addicted to the chemicals. Write your congressman now. We need proper labeling on this stuff. It needs to say on the front that the product contains artificial sweeteners!!

"Golden Rule" Education

I just saw a story on the Star Tribune (http://www.startribune.com) website about Minnesota appropriating funds for “Golden Rule” education.

As it says in the article, not much money is devoted to this concept -- only about 1.5 million. What makes me disturbed is that they felt that it was necessary at all.

A few basics – don’t lie, don’t cheat, be on time, etc – common courtesy items as well as basic societal values. What’s going on out there with child rearing that makes it necessary for public schools to teach this simple concept to kids? It’s really just a sad state of affairs.

"Strangers WILL Hurt You"

I overheard a woman telling her 2ish year old daughter that while at the post office. It’s a guarantee. PROMISE! CERTAINLY, we were going to kill her, but thought better of it as the line started to move.

"Rage Spreads Over Cartoons"

Just the headline alone makes me go “huh?” You know, if I took myself too seriously, I would have had to kill thousands of cartoonists over their lampooning ( and often harpooning) my fat self.

People spend too much time worrying about symbology and it’s worthiness in their lives. For instance, so many people vehemently oppose burning the US flag. It’s a freakin’ symbol. If you see a flag burning it doesn’t effect your personal views, does it? No, you believe deep inside what you want to believe and nothing external should be able to sway that. To heck with what others think of your own personal views. Also, to heck with what you think of their view.

The same goes with religion or other closely held beliefs. There’s a big hullabaloo in Utah about an atheist group filing a lawsuit against the state for using crosses to mark highway points where police officers were killed. It’s a symbol, people. Just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it’s going to take away your rights to believe what you want to believe. I see a cross and I see a cross marking a death. I don't see a cross and then see Jesus upon it. The atheist group in town sees a cross and suddenly sees oppression. Personally, the group in question is giving atheists a bad name.

Now we’ve got the Danish people under attack by a bunch of overly sensitive Muslims. It’s a set of cartoons, people. Cartooooons. Political or not, they’re one man’s comic view of life. You might find it funny. You might find it touchy. It might make you think. Or maybe not. But, let’s get real, it’s not worth killing. It’s just a cartoon. Now, if said cartoonist takes out a gun and starts pickin’ off Muslims in Denmark and the Dane government supports him, have at ‘em! Take ‘em down! Until then, let cooler heads prevail.

I got up early this morning to take my baby in for his 10K checkup appointment at 7:30am. My baby is my VW Beetle. A cute dark blue baby. :-) Anyway, I take my car into the service garage, tell the intake guy about a couple of problems that my car has...1). The auto window switch broke off, coincidentally, the day I made the appointment for the 10K checkup. 2). The air panel light goes out if I push on the a/c button or turn the air flow nob a certain direction and then goes back again if I turn it the other way. It goes off pretty much when it damn well feels like it, quite frankly. 3). A couple of wee squeeks were heard from the front. Not sure if it was coming from the brakes or the suspension (struts, etc.).
They had three issues to look at and the 10K checkup duties. It's going to take 1 to 1 1/2 hours, the intake guy says. "Cool," I say.
I go into the waiting room and see one of the attorneys from my firm. What are the chances of that? Anyway, we just exchanged politenesses. I don't know him well, and I think he just *vaguely* recognized me. *tick tock* *tick tock* *tick tock* I've read the entire St Paul Pioneer Press.*tick* An Architectural Digest *tock* and another magazine from May of 1999 thats name is escaping me now. *tick* *tock* I get up out of my squished butt chair and stand up to look out the dealership's windows. There's my car. It's just sitting there. *tick tock* I wait. Of course the intake service guy must have something urgent going on. *tick* I see the intake service guy come in, grab a cup of coffee *tock* and he heads back to his stand in the service center. *tick* Two people who arrived 20 minutes after me *tock* got their car from the guy. *tick* 15 minutes later, my happy little bug is still sitting out on the lot. *tock* I go to the service guy and ask him for my car. "Oh, yeah, gotta get the paper work on your car." *tick* He comes back and says they fixed the window opener. Yay! He then says that the technicians test drove the car and didn't hear the wee squeek. Ok, not a problem, I don't hear it often anyway. "I'll just keep my eye on it." I then ask about the panel light. He shuffles through the papers. "Hmmm...looks like it didn't make it in there." I think to myself, "You mean, you didn't put it in there? You are the one who puts in the customer requests..." It was as if he was trying to blame someone else. Anyway, he inquires as to whether or not I'd like to have it fixed now. "It shouldn't take *too* long." "How long is *too* long? Oh, and what time is it now?," I ask. "9:15, it shoudn't take long...about 1/2 hour," he stated. *gulp* Another 1/2 hour? Gack. I had to be to work by 9:30. He asked if I'd like to make an appointment now or just wait for the 15K checkup. Granted, it's not a HUGGGE problem. It's just a panel light. It certainly can wait. I ask if they stamped the owner's manual when they insisted upon at the 5K checkup. "I don't know if they did, let's check. Sometimes they're a bit flighty about such things," he quipped. I vaguely remember the intake person doing it last time. Could be that it doesn't matter *who* does it. Anyway, we go back to the car. It hasn't been washed or vacuumed. Ok, I was ticked and tocked. When I initially bought the car, that was one of the things that the salespeople told me 'bout the service. They *always* wash the car when you come in for service during the *checkup* period. "A nice touch," I said. Anyway, I tell the service intake doufus that the car hasn't been washed or vaccuumed and that one of the people who had *just* picked up their car exclaimed with delight that their car had been cleaned as they walked out of the waiting room. The pass-the-buck intake service guy says "We've been having trouble keeping car washers with the economy as it is now." I reiterated the fact that the car right before mine had been washed and *prettified* and that I passed on a car wash this morning for the express reason that I would be getting one at the dealer. He then makes the excuse that the car washer may have been called on another duty 'cuz he's not *just* a car washer. Fine, cool, dandy.
Really, all I wanted was some sort of apology for 1). Not fixing what I expressly requested to be fixed. 2). Not following through with consistently delivered *nicey* *nicey* service things that a normal oil change place like Jiffy Lube would even offer.
I didn't want Mr. Pass-the-buck to blame anyone else. Just take it on the chin and apologize for the quality of the service. It's that simple. A two second "I'm sorry." would have *almost* made it "OK." I would have, at the very least, accepted the apology with an "I know, it's ok, it's ok," as I'm apt to do with my Minnesota-nice upbringing.
With service of this quality, it made me really wonder if any of the 10K checkup items had actually been done. At least when I go to Jiffy Lube I can see them actually putting the oil in the car, for instance. At the dealership, I was hustled off to a waiting room without windows toward the service garage. It looks bad for the dealership, plain and simple. Ok, enough griping. I've been *tick tocked* enough for one morning. :-)