Thought of the Day 2010 #60 - Dimensions Magazine Rumors

I read the other day that there might be a new push to create an online version of Dimensions magazine again. Last time it was published, it was a paper issue and I was featured in it. They posted a copy of it in PDF on the Dimensions site, so if you've never seen it, here it is: http://dimensionsmagazine.com/pdf/Dim88_screen.pdf. Enjoy. Not really "safe for work", but no real nudity either.

Honored!

I am honored and humbled to have been immortalized into art by the world renowned FA Painter, Marty!

 

Stop by his blog and look at beautiful works of some lovely women. (http://fa-painter.blogspot.com/) He's got a knack at bringing his subject's personality to life. Just wonderful.

Thought of the Day 2010 #1 - So, What's Stopping You??

If you're fat and have ever thought that you can't do something
(swimming, dancing, going out to eat/dinner/party) because you feel that
you will be ridiculed or unwelcome, the only person you have to blame is
you. There are assholes everywhere that will mock, but just ignore their
attempts to puff themselves up, and just enjoy yourself!! The asswipes
will eventually lose their power over you, and you'll be able to live a
full life. It's not always easy, but the alternative is to let the
asswipes control your life. You DO NOT want to give them that power over
you.

Thought of the Day #313 - Fat Legs Flying

When flying to Minneapolis last week, I walked through the metal detector at the SLC airport and was told to stand off to the side. The guard manning the detector then called for the woman to come over for a "bulk check" on my legs. At 4:30 in the morning, I thought it was more facinating than anything. So, the woman comes over, kneels in front of me and proceeds to feel up my "cute legs." (Those were her words, not mine!) As she's kneeling down there I say, "Wow, I didn't know they provided this service." A quick way to deflect my sleepy akwardness and at least she got a giggle. Anyway, this is just my word of warning. It could happen to you if you have fat legs and look like you're packin' drugs/weapons/TNT in your tights.

Thought of the Day #278 - Pumpkin Feeders

I watched a documentary about growers of massive pumpkins/gourds...the
ones that are 1000 pounds and more. I couldn't help but see similaties
between pumpkin growers and feeders who fantasize about 1000+ size
women. There was one scene with the farmer massaging and caressing his
600+ pumpkin, much like I've seen feeders do in videos with their feedee
partners. In honor of Halloween, the similarities were "spooky!"

Thought of the Day #270 - Wondering if You're Fat?

There's one fool-proof way to be sure...take a plane ride in a 737. The
seats are narrow, the aisles are narrow...sure to "out" you as a true
fat person. And if you're not fat, but have undiagnosed clausterphobia,
that too will be revealed.

Thought of the Day #228 - Fat Art

I can't tell you these are 'fat positive' or even remotely positive at all, but I can tell you that I find them thought provoking. I don't know if the artist was trying to reach out from a fat body or if she's reliving her fat days filled with pain? I really don't know. In any event, I find them darkly thought provoking, something which I feel is pretty rare from today's art. Please visit Joanvix's Etsy shop here: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7527087 for more. Be sure to check out the sold items, too: http://www.etsy.com/shop_sold.php?user_id=7527087

 

 

Thought of the Day #204 - More to Love

I watched More to Love the other night with anticipation, but ended up with a lot of cringing. Where did they get these women?? Please tell me it is NOT a random sampling of 20 fat women where 18 of them are so depressed about being fat and single to the point that they cry on camera and proclaim "I have soooo much love to give..." Instead, please tell me the producers handpicked these woe-filled women solely for the fullfilment of their goal of showing how fat women are *all* soooo sad.

The women on the show, by and large, are beautiful women wallowing in their sadly single lives. But, why are they single?? Because they're fat?? No, because they have shitty self esteem. Cure the dearth of self esteem and these girls would easily capture the heart of a decent guy.

Oh, and the bachelor that's on this show? He's annoying in his cloying attempt to suck-up to their self esteem issues (and the camera). If any guy were to come up to me and talk like he does to the women on the show, I would quickly walk away....no...run far, far away. I'm not sure if he's talking the way he is because of the producers' prompting or if he really is that smarmy in real life. Whatever the reason, he's annoying. These girls deserve better.

I'll give it another week to see if it will get more annoying and insulting or if it was just a bad start.

Thought of the Day #201 - Figure Flaws

Do you first dress to enhance parts of your body, or do you focus first
and foremost on figure flaws?

It's funny that many of us focus on the flaws. We compare ourselves to
some ideal that has been shoved down our necks by the media or other
venues. Who's to say that our flaws are actually flaws? Why aren't body
differences revered as much as differences in artistic expression? Why
do we do this to ourselves?? Why are people so harsh to one another??

I suspect the harshest critics are often the most insecure...be they
internal voices or nasty voices from others.

So, how do we silence them? I wish I had the answer.

Thought of the Day #196 - It's all about...

Bashes are all about the friends to me. So many wonderful people coming together in one location for relaxation and synchronized swimming. What more could you ask for??

 

 

 

 

Thought of the Day #180 - Walking On Glass

The Sears Tower in Chicago opened up "The Ledge" a glass floored
attraction that lets visitors walk a few feet out onto a sheet of glass
that is 1300 feet above street level. Recently, a reservation at the
Grand Canyon opened "Sky Walk" which allows visitors to walk on a glass
loop that is way out over the canyon floor. Both options intrigue me. I
would really like to go to the Skywalk's far end and start jumping up
and down...solely for the thrill of seeing other people panic 'cuz "the
fat chick is going to break the thing!!" Ah, it would be fun on so many
levels.

Thought of the Day #178 - Buying Fat Clothes Online

I'm a stickler about fabric quality, but what chaps my hide most about
buying fat clothing online? The randomness of the sizing.

All plus-size sites have size charts which should "do the trick" in
finding appropriately sized clothes, but let me tell you...that is NOT
the case. When a clothing item arrives in the mail, the excitement
rises. "Maybe this will be the time when THE perfect fit arrives??" Or
will it be too small? Too large? Or will it obviously be made by a
manufacturer that has no clue how to cut larger sizes. In the last
instance, you'll find arms several inches too long or necklines made
for gorillas because they simply added inches *everywhere*. (Fat people
don't necessarily have larger skeletons than their thin counterparts. I
know, it's shocking.) The sizing is a virtual crapshoot. If you're a
fat woman, you know...oh, yes, you know.

Thought of the Day #153 - EA Active for the Wii

I've had the Active program for 10 days and have completed eight 22
minute workouts. So far, I like it a lot!

I've had some trouble fitting the leg strap (it fits my knee, but just
barely), so all of my workouts have been cardio and upper body...and
consequently it's sweetly low impact. I am planning on getting a pair
of stretch pants and apply a little pocket to hold the wii nunchuck,
so eventually, I'll get on to the full workouts. Until then, I am
skipping the leg pain.

There are several things I like about it. For one, unlike wii Fit,
someone supersize like me can still use this product. (Yes, fat people
do exercise!) The Active product does limit the profile weight to 300,
but it doesn't affect product play, unlike Fit which basically kicks
fatties off the machine. The best I can figure, your weight is used in
Active solely to calculate calorie burn during the workouts.

I also like that all of the exercises are available in three levels, so
if you're a workout lightweight, the low impact ~ease into it~ level is
great! Some are waaaay too slow for me, but I can imagine for elderly or
infirm, it would be perfect.
If you're used to working out in a gym regularly, this might be too
simplistic? I don't know for sure.

Finally, it's overwhelming positive motivation from the digital
trainers. From what I've heard about wii Fit, it's pretty rude and
nearly insulting. Who needs that??

Briefly, if you're looking to get a little bit more active, give EA
Active a try!

Thought of the Day #121 - Fitting the Fat

I've watched a few "International House Hunters" on HGTV, and have been
especially impressed at the small size of the flats in Europe...and
then it dawned on me.... We're animals and we potentially adapt to
surroundings as any other animal. What if we are fatter in the West due
to the amount of potential growth space??

As an example, if I grew up in a flat in Paris and the bathroom was the
size of one of my current thighs, I probably would have adjusted my
eating/activity level in order to be able to use the bathroom.

In the West, McMansions are VERY common. Master bedroom suites are the
size of European homes. So, with the size of the rooms, maybe
consciously or completely subconsciously we allow ourselves to be
larger?

Or maybe it has to do with population density? In overpopulated
countries and cities in Asia, you don't find very many fat people. Why
is that? In the midwest of the US, you'll find less densely populated
areas...and more fat people, too. Coincidence?? I propose that it is
not!

(Ok, I don't necessarily believe it, but it is a theory...)

Thought of the Day #116 - Emotional Infants

Over the past few days I've had a few run ins with "emotional infants".
You know the ones...the adults who openly mock fat people or other
people with obvious differences.

I've had lifelong experience with these people and have come to theorize
that they're missing "something." I mean, seriously, can you imagine
yourself openly mocking a stranger about anything?? Most adults can not
and do not.

So, what sort of missfire is going on in these emotional infants? For
years, I've held the belief that they choose to insult others in order
to feel better about themselves. But, I think it may go deeper than
that. Where is the void? Could it be a genetic issue? Often these
people do have a certain look to their eyes. So maybe it is genetic? Or
does the look to their eyes develop over years of familial or societal
abuse? Maybe a combination? (Another nature/nurture question, just like
the recent color ToTD).

Poor public behavior is such a curious phenomenon. I think most people
experience it at some point, but there are those of us who are steeped
in the societal research whether we want it or not. My research will
continue. If I come to a definitive conclusion, I'll let ya know.

Thought of the Day #111 - Fat Not Fat

I think fat people who have never been thin as an adult have a much
easier time reaching body acceptance than people who have been
previously thin as an adult.

Full-time fat people have no *proof* that thin people are treated
differently (and I'm not talking just the misbehavior of assholes, but
rather the subtle nuance differences of socital acceptance), nor do
they probably know what it feels like to run a marathon, as an example.
Life as a full-time fat person is limited to their own experience. A
part-time fattypuff/part-time thinnifer has the ability to
compare/contrast life experiences as, essentially, two different
people.

Thought of the Day #99 - In Honor of CindyG

The "flabulous" CindyG died on Wednesday night. I just want to give a
final shout-out and thank you to a pioneer in the pictorial fat
acceptance movement online.

A little over eleven years ago CindyG had a Geocities site which
displayed photos of her "flabulous" 500+lb frame. She was one of the
first to do so, and she did it with gusto and humor. She started a
photo of the week page on her site, and I thought, "what a great idea!"
And with that, my "Photo Selection of the Week" portion of my site was
born.

She was a positive influence to me and many others over the years and
for that I'm grateful. Thanks, CindyG.

Thought of the Day #84 - Fat and Couches

I posted this earlier today on Twitter, but thought it really needed to
be here...

When people get preachy about fitness on television, they usually call
out to "the people on the couch". Do skinny people not have couches??

Bonus for Being Super Fat

Woot! I just knew there had to be some extra bonuses for being super-fat. Now, when in Arizona, I'll be sure to stop by The Heart Attack grill for free food. Everyone over 350lbs eats free! Take that under 5 year olds, who seem to always get the free meals. :-) http://www.heartattackgrill.com/350.html

Thought of the Day #47

This past weekend I had someone come up to me at a buffet in Vegas to talk to me about my tummy. Honest! She wanted to ask me how I was able to get around, etc. Her sister had a hysterectomy and has some sort of prolapse or something wrong with her abdominal wall ever since surgery and she has difficulty walking because of it. All I could say is that mine is just "like this" and has been almost my entire life. It was one awkward, weird Vegas moment.

Thought of the Day #45

As a quick observation in Vegas, fat haters tend to be fairly ugly
individuals, just trying to improve their lot in life. Kinda sad,
really.

Reflections on Vegas

So many good things to report from Sin City. Typically what happens in Vegas stays there, but not this time.

I was able to meet some great new people from around the world and reconnect with a few fabulous people, too. I guess that is always the most important thing about the BBW bash circuit -- the people. Some go to dance, to swim, to buy clothing, to get laid, to drink, etc. I just go to connect on some level with others who attend.

This year I was touched by a couple of beautiful individuals who let me know what a difference this site has made in their lives. One, an FA and the other, a BBW. Two completely different perspectives on how, through the years, this site has changed their personal views and even changed their lives. I was, and am, very, very moved. Thank you for letting me know. I'm ever so grateful and I think I failed miserably in trying to convey this to them at the Bash. Thank you, thank you. You give me strength and purpose to continue.

To my friends with whom I reconnected, I'm so glad I had the opportunity to see you in the flesh again. No matter how much time I had with each of you, it really wasn't enough. It never is. I wish you could all move a bit closer so that we could get together more often. Seriously. Salt Lake City....consider it, please?!

The BBWNetwork bash hotel was always abuzz with bustling bbws. There's such a sweet feeling knowing you're not the only fat person in the pool, casino, restaurant, or hotel. So many other fat bodies to oogle and admire. I always appreciate that.

Gamble, Gamble! I won 400 on a penny machine at the Tuscany on the first night of gambling. One the third night, I won another 300 on the very same machine. Glinda, the good witch was very, very nice to me. I wish I had clicked my heels and left Vegas before I was able to gamble most of that away! Note to self -- do not win early in a Vegas trip. Win only on the last day. It makes gambling much more fun that way. Oh, and while I'm at the noting, please remember to wear sun screen when spending hours and hours chatting in the pool. Thank you.

I didn't spend my entire Vegas trip at the temporary fat mecca of the Tuscany. Only about half was spent there. After I left the bash, I headed to the Palace Station to stay -- comp nights -- can't beat the price! It's funny leaving the ~safety~ of the bash hotel for another hotel. Suddenly, I was one of the fattest around. I captured the eyes of non-admirers and it made me suddenly self-conscious. Luckily, there is this casino maintenance guy that is there every time we've been there. It's sooo obvious he digs me and the other fatter patrons. He's a gentle reminder that you never know where an FA may turn up (note to the single women!!)

Fat friendliness was all over Vegas this trip. We stopped at a rock shop on Flamingo, I believe. The attendant was completely flirtatious with his questioning. Funny, too, he would stop asking questions every time Ivan would come around me. Too fun!

Finally, just before we got in the car to head home, one last bathroom stop at the Palace Station. I was doing my thang and I got a couple of texts from the fam back in Salt Lake, so I was taking a little while to respond. Upon leaving the stall, I see this average size, blonde woman staring at me. I do my "kinda smile" and walk towards the sink. She looks at me and says, "I don't know if this is appropriate or not, but I just wanted to tell you..."

I thought, "Oh gawd, she's going to try to sell me on a weight loss program."

She continues, "I just wanted to tell you that I think you're beautiful and that you should never believe it if anyone tells you otherwise. I know it seems odd, and probably not appropriate but I just had to tell you, just don't believe them."

Blow me over with a feather. I did not see this coming. She seemed really kind of nervous. The kind of nervous when you tell someone that you have always been in love with them, or the kind of nervous when you ask someone out. Now, it does strike me as odd that she was watching my stall while I was texting -- I'm sure she wondered what takes someone so long?! Aside from that, it was a fabulous encounter. I thanked her and told her it wasn't inappropriate. Who doesn't like to hear they're beautiful in someone's eyes?!

As I left the casino, I saw her again, with a young man about her age and I thanked her again. What a great way to end the trip to Vegas.

Fat 'n' Flexible

While I like to believe I would look like this if in fact I were flexible enough to do it.

I know for a fact, this is about all I'm capable of. Both of these images are from this site: Eastern Serenity which has a whole line of fat "yoga fanatics" in bronze. Kinda cute, don'tcha think?

PSA - NOLOSE Conference

I received a request to spread the news about the "NOLOSE '08" conference. For those interested or even curious, it's scheduled for September 26th-28th in Northampton, Massachusetts. NOLOSE invites all fat queer women, all fat trans and gender-variant folks and allies to participate. Go here for more information on the conference.

Tampons ( For Fat Chicks Only!)

I wish, wish, wish someone had told me this when I was younger. Since I'm officially "old" now, I feel the need to tell you. And you alone. Well, you and a million other fat women.

Not all tampons work for all fat women. There, I said it.

When I was young, I tried tampons off and on in my late teens. I had very little luck with them staying in. If I had a heavy flow ~at all~, the thing would basically pop out before I really wanted it to. No bueno.

So, for years, I figured it was me. No way would I risk tampons. I would instead, wear the heavy pads and hope for no leaks. It was messy and well, I'm here to tell you, it doesn't need to be that way.

Not all tampons work for all fat women. The two varieties I tried were the ones my mom used and the ones that I tried in the bathrooms at school. They were relatively hard little puffs of cotton. I picture them as pellets that would shoot from my vagina. Not a good thing.

So, one day several years ago, I tried tampons again. The clouds opened and a ray of sunshine fell upon my head. It was a miracle. These tampons stayed...and did the whole "dam up the pipes and collect goodness along the way" job...and they were predictable. It was a beautiful thing! Tampons had become my friends. (For those who really need to know, they are Kotex Security brand).

For years, I've relied upon these plugs o' goodness for my sanity. Then, one day recently, while on vacation, I needed some while at a filling station. They didn't have my brand. So, with naive confidence that somehow my vagina had suddenly learned how to use the hard cotton plugs of old, I gave it a good old college try.

Bullets of bloody cotton were shot from my loins. (Artistic license!)

Not all tampons work for all fat women.

Try different brands until you find the one. You will be glad you did.

Las Vegas Show Tips for Fat Chicks

For those of us in the "fatter than average" category, oftentimes going to theatrical shows can be a problem. Live theaters are often fitted with the smallest seats on Earth. It's been years since I've been to a Broadway production in NYC, but man, I still remember the pain of the cheap, nosebleed TXTS seats we had for one performance. The seats were ultra narrow and the rows were just as narrow. I spent two + hours crammed into a seat with my thighs around the head of the person in front of me. No where to move. Aaack.

Anyway, for my recent birthday, I wanted to go with my friends to a show in Vegas that would be accomodating for the fatty-puffs in my crowd. The two that came up in my searches were the couch seating for Zumanity and the Wynn's VIP seating for La Reve. Zumanity was dark that week, so no luck there. La Reve showed no seats available for the nights we were there. Booo. I didn't have a lot of lead time, so I didn't find any other spots available. So, I pretty much trashed the idea.

To make a long story short, my sister ended up calling around while we were down there. She found out that La Reve had one VIP seat available and the rest of the party could sit in the row directly in front. BONUS! So, yeah, because it was my birthday celebration, I got the VIP ticket with champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, my own sweet waitress, an LCD screen with underwater action...and...and...the most comfortable live theater seat I've ever experienced. ME! The fat chick! Comfortable at a live theater performance! Yeah, it was a good night! The champagne was good and the strawberries weren't half bad either.

The only drawback to the VIP seating -- the price. If you're going for a special occasion, the $200 isn't tooo...tooo...toooo bad. It's only ~$50 more than the regular seats, so if you're fat and fabulous (or even just fabulous) and looking to have a sweet water-filled theater experience in Vegas, check it out! Even the regular seats were larger than typical seats, not super comfortable for super-size, but not bad for average size people. Oh, and, I love the Wynn as a casino and restaurant stop, too -- extra comfy slot chairs and yummy food. A great all around experience in Vegas! Here's info on the show at the Wynn.

Photoshop Disasters - The Blog

Looking back at some of my digital manipulations, I know I've made some silly errors. Maybe that's what makes this blog, Photoshop Disasters, so dang funny! Be sure to check out Madonna's microcephalic head here. Good stuff! I should add, too, that this is a great site to send to women (or men!) struggling with body image issues. Especially those who think that cover models, celebrities, etc *really* look that way. Take this as an example.

Stinkin' Cute!

I found this limited edition print on Etsy tonight. It's so very evocative of the first time a little fat girl goes out to the pool with a swimsuit. At least that's how I read it 'cuz I was that fat girl. I think it could tell so many stories. Maybe she just got caught doing something wrong? In any event, so very, very sweet and so cute. You can find this print here: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=9850568 . The talented artist's blog is here: www.kittygenius.com

New Photo Selection of the Week

And to end my posting blitz this evening, I give you this week's Photo Selection of the Week. I don't think I publicized last week's or the week before that, either, so be sure to click the "back" link at the top of this week's pic.

Those "Fat Looks"...

If you're super fat, you definitely know what I mean. The looks that you get from rude individuals who nudge, comment or make faces as you walk by. I mention "super fat" because while I do believe that fat people of all sizes have received "the look" at some point, only the super fat get to see it on a nearly daily basis. Let me give you an example of why I say that. If a person who is just on the cusp of being "fat"--say a size 14 or so-- walks into a restaurant, of the other patrons there, only ~5% of them will even take note of your girth. If you're a size 20, maybe 10%. At 300lbs, you're probably garnering 50% attention, even if it's just a passing glance. If someone comes in at 600lbs, you can be sure that 90% of the restaurant will look. It's not something they see often, so even if the look is one of admiration, they will have their eyes caught by the girth of the individual coming in.

I probably get a good 60% of the patron's attention at my size, so I feel pretty attune to those looks to the point where I can predict within a fairly good margin whether or not someone will do the negative "look/nudge/comment". You have your basic young punks, insecure teenage girls and then...you have the old people. Those are the ones that really surprise me even after years of being this fat and getting ~the look~.

How can someone who has made it to a ripe age of 65+ be so shallow/bitter/rude? Did they learn nothing in all those years? Apparently, wisdom and grace is NOT an automatic token granted upon old age. I fear that all too often, idiots will be idiots to the day they die. I do wonder, too, if the old women who make comments didn't diet their entire grace away. They're bitter about denying every last chocolate chip cookie or other indulgence. I guess I'll never know.

What came to mind this weekend while in Vegas...I think I should start carrying business cards that say something like, "You're rude!", "Buy a clue", "Apparently Grace Doesn't Come with Age", etc, etc. I would simply drop off the card as I pass, or maybe stop and go back to drop it off if I hear something offensive after passing by the idiot. I was thinking I could include a website address for those to look for further information. The following URLs are available:

YouShouldBeEmbarassed.com
INeedtoLearnManners.com
NeedtoLearnManners.com
UNeedManners.com
IWasAnIdiotInPublic.com
PublicManners.com
HowToBehaveinPublic.com
HowToPlayNiceWithOthers.com and
PublicIdiocy.com.
What do you think?

Beautiful Igigi

Igigi does it again. (http://www.igigi.com/) I lurrrve this outfit. It's got a sweet French flair, and it's got a simple palette based in black.

By the way, have I ever mentioned why I love wearing black so much? I'm sure that a lot of people believe it's because black is *ahem* slimming. That's somewhat true, but let's be frank...at 400lbs+, you won't look slim no matter what you wear. The truth hurts doesn't it. ;-) The reason is this: When I was growing up I wasn't allowed to wear black. I could go as dark as navy and that's it. My mum thought that black was too adult of a color. Oh, fine. When I started making my own clothes in high school, I opted for black pants quite often...'cuz my mom couldn't stop me! Bwwaaahahah! So, even though I'm a little bit *ahem* past twenty *ahem*, I still love wearing black 'cuz I like to feel like a kid playing an adult from time to time.

By the way, does it drive you as batty as it does me when blacks don't match if you're trying to wear them together? There's reddish black, blue black, true black and the dreaded i've-been-washed-too-many-times faded black. I can't wear two different shades of black together. No way, no how. I just can't!

Kotex "Classic"

I loooove this SNL video spoofing a new/old product -- Kotex "Classic". It takes me back to the first time I had my period. I told my mom and she immediately went out to buy me a belt and a huge (and it was huge) box of old school Kotex pads. I was a bit puzzled, but gave it a whirl. "Maybe this is what everyone has to use the first time?" I thought. So, I tried on the belt. I was easily 250lbs when I was ten, and the belt was tiiighhhht. Kind of like a rubberband on a beachball, I think. I tried to hook up the pads to the garters and when I'd wear it, they'd pop off. After messing around with it for a day or so, I asked my mom why I couldn't use the kind my sister used...good old stick-to-the-underwear StayFree. They were just as huge as the old school ones, but at least I didn't have to wear the belt which would have been super obvious through my clothes...a horror that no pre-teen wanted to face! I remember the look my mom gave me. It was something like, "Huh, do you think they'll work for you, dear fat child?" without saying a word. My average-size mom was always supportive of me, but when it came to my fat being and how my pre-teen tubby body worked with the rest of the world, I think she had no clue. Suffice it to say, that from that day forward, I was belt free.

Size Acceptance in the Media

I looove this quote about the treatement of fat people from Miss Conduct's Blog at Boston.com(link)

"People really, truly believe that it is not only acceptable, but right to treat fat people with disdain. I'm sad to say that I've been inculcated with enough societal garbage that I occasionally hate my own body--but as a thin (white, able-bodied, etc.) person I cannot fathom what it must be like to have others take it upon themselves to hate my body for me. As I've said before, if you think fat people have no self-discipline, consider the fact that they haven't killed you yet. "

Thanks to Kate Harding at Shapely Prose(link) for posting this earlier today.

Foul Fat Chick Fashion!

  You'll need to kill me to get me to wear these hideous offerings from Catherine's. (http://www.catherines.com) I know that Catherine's is supposed to be the fat chick's friend for women over 35, but c'mon, even the over 35 set has taste.

The pink stripy thing with the "nautical" yet "valentine" anchor really makes me see...ahem...sea sick. Let's admit it...the "nautical" look that comes out every stinking spring has really got to set sail to its long overdue death at sea. Secondly, STOP the ugly APPLIQUE insanity! There. I feel better now.

The second top with that hideous "Christmas package applique sweater" look is also supposed to be "nautically inspired". The only thing nautical about it is the feeling that I'd rather walk the plank than wear this.

Heavy Rain

  I've been a fan of Barry Kite's Aberrant Art (http://www.aberrantart.com) for years...probably at least 10. I came across his booth at Minneapolis's Uptown Art fair at least that many years ago.

His work combines two of my sincerest loves -- classic art and humor. Juxtaposed together into some witty or social commentaries, the pieces will either offend you or make you quietly giggle. I choose the latter.

Each time I look at his site's catalog, I see something new. This piece, "Unexpected Downpour", caught my eye during my most recent visit. He has several works which have fat chicks in 'em, so check it out!

Some of my all-time favorites are based upon Georges Seurat's "A Sunday on La Grande Jatte". One of my first purchases was "Sunday Afternoon, Wrong Island". I still love it.

Funny, fun stuff.

Just found another of Kite's works that is fat friendly and...new to me! "The Spring Line" with the Venus of Willendorf figures on the catwalk. Good stuff, Maynard! :-)

Fat Woman Goes Around the World

This is just one example of a fellow fat chick taking the world on with a healthy dose of self-esteem: Where is Geri http://www.whereisgeri.com/ is a blog written by a woman I've known off and on at fat friendly events in Minneapolis. When I was at Kim's wedding last month, Geri told me of her plans to go on a grand adventure around the world. She found the timing, finances and ~everything~ had aligned to make it possible to follow this dream. I'm so overwhelmingly happy (and jealous, in a good way) that she's doing this. I should mention, too, that she's doing it alone. All around the world, alone. I believe she said she was going to catch up with a few familiars in various countries, but by and large, she'll be on her own. Just freakin' impressive!! Anyway, she's going to blog her journey at her site. I hope that you all stop in and read about her year-long adventure. Isn't it just awesome?!!? Go Geri!!

Your GIRTH does not equate to your self WORTH

I feel main purpose of the "size" or "fat" acceptance movement should be trying to assist fat people to see that their self-worth is completely independent of their girth. We can't change a fat person's family, friends, coworkers, or the general public through laws or mandates. Nor can we directly change how others may feel about our fat visage. We CAN, however, make them see that self-worth confidence is not shaken by the potential spewed negativity. In the end, that unshakeable confidence WILL change the way we are treated. No one messes with a force that will not be moved.

So, with that, I came up with this simple slogan. Girth ≠ Worth. (I tried Girth != Worth and Girth <> Worth, too, but I feared only programmers would understand.) Slapped it up in one of my shops at Cafepress. (http://www.cafepress.com/catay) I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, one or two may end up on chests around the world as an aid to another soul who needs to see it.

Fat Positive Site - Adipositivity.com

A hearty recommendation for another fat girl photo site: The Adiposivity Project (http://www.adipositivity.com/). Beautiful photos with a healthy dose of sexy attitude. Be sure to check 'em out!

To my friends...I'm so, so, sorry!

I know I've influenced you in this life's journey. Little did I know that I made you fat. I understand if you don't call or write anymore. *sniff* *pout* I hope that when I see you again, you will be at the weight you were intended to be. Clearly, you won't be bloated anymore by our friendship. *sniff* *pout* Read more on why I've caused you such a fat fate, here.

To my so called "friends" who are thin. Bitch, I knew you didn't like me...and it clearly shows in your waistline. *hmph* ;-)

10 Ways To Be A Body Positivity Advocate

I cannot recommend this "Big Fat Deal" post highly enough. I've been telling ya'll most of this the past 10 years, but this is beautifully direct and concise! Click on the title to read it and actually DO IT. Some changes take time, but make a promise to yourself to start. Ok? Ok.

Miscarriage Memories

I've received several emails about the miscarriage I mentioned in the last post. I thought I had mentioned it before, but apparently not. It was several years ago, so for historical purposes, here's the full story as I remember it...

First off, I didn't know I was pregnant, so it wasn't huge emotional issue for me. As I've grown older and haven't carried a pregnancy to full term, the emotion of it has grown with time.

I was at work when the pain struck me. I sat at my desk and thought, "Crap, this is a really bad cramp." I wasn't a stranger to unusual period behavior, so I thought nothing of it. I hurried to the bathroom to take care of "business". While I was in there, the pain increased and I started to bleed very heavily. Again, I was used to heavy periods, so no major worries aside from the fact that it was a really sudden ocurrence rather than minor bleeding followed by major gushes. So, there I sat in the stall. Passing chunks. (Excuse my ummmm...grossness... it's just the facts, Jack.) After a few minutes, I looked into the toilet to see a white ball about the size of a large egg yolk floating in the blood. I thought, "This looks important." You know, when you have a cancerous tumor that falls ino the toilet, you should probably pick it up and take it with you. So, I reached in an picked it out. Just then, someone else came into the bathroom. Dang. Poor timing. My hands are covered with blood and I need to get out of there with the "tumor." I rushed out of the stall and quickly grabbed some paper towels, wrapped up the "tumor" in the towels and put it in my cleavage. Yes, a perfect hiding spot! I washed my hands and rushed back to my desk. I called my boyfriend and said, "Come and get me NOW." I'm pretty sure my "NOW" was convincing. I did briefly say that I either just passed a tumor or had a miscarriage. I'm sure I said both of those quietly so that my cube-mates couldn't hear me, so chances are, the bf probably didn't hear me either.

Twenty minutes or so quickly went by and my boyfriend was out front and was pickin' me up. I'm sure I had a pretty panicked look so the bf was freakin' out in his own way. Upon the drive back home, I had THE worst pain I've ever experienced. It was akin to a knife being jabbed in my gut and being twisted back and forth. Another chunk of goodness was on its way out. It was a biggin'!

Upon arriving home, I went to the bathroom just off the kitchen. I took the toweled prize from between my breasts and carefully unwrapped it. Now that it was slightly dried off, the "tumor" was quite apparent to be an amniotic sac. Still intact and filled with fluid, I was able to press the bubble to expand the tissue and peer inside to see the tiny little embryo. When it wasn't stretched, you couldn't see through it...unlike the "National Geographic" type photos of embryos would have you believe. In fact, when the sac was in liquid much as it would be within the womb, the fuzzy tissue on the outside of the sac made it look like an off-white jellyfish or something like that. Your sac may be different, but this is what my body developed... I spent a good deal of time peering at the embryo which was maybe the size of a lima bean. It was a very white little creature. The eyes were still slightly on either side of the head. The arms and legs were tiny.

I took the sac and put it in a little Tupperware container and put it in the fridge. (Yeah, I know, kinda gross, but the scientist in me was pretty pleased.) I called the doctor and set up an appointment for the following morning. After calling I went back and forth to the fridge to take extra looks to investigate the curiousity.

Jump ahead 12 or so hours and I'm at the doctor...doing the whole stirrup thing and showing the doc my proud little Tupperware find. I was told that expelling a whole amniotic sac is pretty unusual and she was pretty pleased to see it herself...so much so, that she took it away and I never saw my little embryo again. I did get some good news 'cuz I thought that I spontaneously aborted due to my weight, and the doc informed me that wasn't the case. She's seen women much larger give birth. She said that the real trick with most infertile women is just *getting* pregnant. Oh, another good thing...apparently I had a "complete" miscarriage. When I was in the car, I was passing a big ol' placenta. Oftentimes women have incomplete spontaneous abortions and they need to have D&Cs to remove any remaining tissue. So, all in all, a good experience. In addition, I wasn't treated like a fat freak which is always a bonus.

Later that day, I received a call and found out that I would need a shot. Whee! Turns out I'm Rh negative. So, a shot in the bum and I was pretty much done with this whole situation. I was informed at the time that I would need to have RhoGAM shots anytime I got pregnant to avoid the conflict of blood types that happen with rh- mothers with their fetuses.

FLASH FORWARD. When I was diagnosed with being hypo-thyroid, so many bells went off in my head. While I was pregnant, I was extremely cold. It was a really hot, hot summer, so there was no reason for it aside from the fact that I was probably hypothyroid at the time and the pregnancy was exacerbating it. I suffered from a lot of the other hypothyroid symptoms during and after the miscarriage, but you know, when they're not bad enough to completely ruin your life, you don't pay much attention to 'em. At least I don't.

So, there you have it in a wee nutshell.

I Have Proof!

That's right, photographic proof that I was at the Vegas Bash at the end of July. Look at the photo here. You'll see me behind the winner at the dice tourney. Lucky dude! You can see the "official" BBWNetwork Bash photos here. By the way, I neglected to put week's Photo Selection up. I will do so upon my return home. I don't have the photo on my laptop, dangit, and the pix are 500 miles away. Bummer.

Just a few tidbits, in case you were wondering

~~ I went to the doctor on Wednesday to have my thyroid levels checked and my bp taken. My blood pressure is waaaay down. Woohooo! I found out this morning that the thyroid results indicate that I need the next higher dose of synthroid.

~~ I'm excited to be heading off to the Las Vegas BBW bash on Monday of this coming week! Preparations are underway this weekend. You know, gotta make sure the undies, sunscreen and miscellaneous sundries are all packed. It's been several years since I've been to a big BBW event, so I feel a bit ill prepared for the whole "scene". There are definitely things I'm looking forward to --- THE POOL being a big one, catching up with few of my long lost online friends, hangin' out with a few of my Minnesota buds, gambling. Oops. Did I say that last one? ;-) Things I'm not looking forward to -- loud obnoxious drunk fat chicks (if you've been to these things, you've gotta know what I mean); backstabbing between desperate chickas (Too often, there is a limited supply of men. While the men aren't typically aware of it, there's a lot of chick-on-chick fighting going on. I've seen some pretty nasty behavior in the past. For those of you prone to this, DON'T DO IT! You can be better than that!); and sunburn, always a given no matter how much sunscreen I use.

~~ Jam season has started again! So far I've made blueberry-apricot, pineapple-apricot and just plain old apricot. The pineapple-apricot is fabulous! The blueberry-apricot is a smooth mellow yum, too. A friend of my hubby's has ordered a bunch of jars for her wedding as wedding favors. She's going to top 'em with lace and ribbons and a ceremonial wedding tag. A cute idea!

Fat Gangs!

I think I've made it pretty abundantly clear in other posts how much I think MySpace.com is a style sucking glob of goo. That being said, there is some decent content on there from individuals sucked into the MySpace glob. This post, as an example, from DJ Zulu. It's a brillant analogy liking fat oriented event groups to "gang bangers". If the link on "Fat Gangs!" doesn't work, click here and go to the blog section of this myspace site.

Fat Girl Fashions that *Almost* Hit the Mark.

This is from Ulla Popken. I really do dig a lot of her European looks. I even sneak into Ulla France website for more goodies. Anyway, this ditty is an *almost* for one reason. The jacket. What hippy fat chick looks good with a rounded jacket like this? Well, I guess if you're trying to make your hips larger, this would do the trick. For the rest of us, get the skirt (which I think is quite dashing) and wear the black shirt alone with it.

Also from Ulla Popken. I really like this. I really do. It's different than the same ol' same ol'. I was tempted to order it even. But then...then I realized that on a girl my size, the cut of the dress really won't work. I'll just look like a deflated balloon, with velvet accents, of course.

Oh, wow, my Right to Bare Arms is not just a personal/fat acceptance struggle. Read this. The right to bare arms is apparently a universal struggle. I'm so *au current*. :-)

All of the hubub about the little fat girl taken from her family in New Mexico has gotten me thinking about my childhood, and some of the things that I had experienced as an abnormally fat child. I really haven't taken an active interest in the events surrounding the sensationalized *abduction* of the NM child, so I don't know much about the whole story, just sketchy details. Consequently I feel I can't acurately form a strong opinion about the state's action. Obviously it's a difficult situation for all involved and that probably goes without saying.

Anyway, the point of this post is state/school interference and the fat child from my personal experience.

My first memory about this was in the early side of grade school when I was pulled out of class a the beginning of every year to go down to the nurses office to get weighed. Of course, only the fat kids were called down to the office at that time. I suspect that at the beginning of every year, the teachers were asked who in their classes were *too* fat or *too* thin. This went on for a couple of years and I was always embarassed to get weighed, especially in front of the other fat kids who were also in the nurses room. I can recall the coldness of the room and the pepto colored couches on either side of the room. Towards one side of the room was the entrance to the actual office of the nurse. Some years, the weighing was done in the nurse's office, but with the door open, and a couple of times the scale was in the room with the two couches while the other children watched. The looks on all of the kids' faces were horrible. I think we all knew why we were there from the moment we entered the room. Of course back in the classroom, the kids in the room also knew that the fat kids were being taken out to the *pasture*. The didn't know what was going on, of course, but they knew that we were different and completely unacceptable by societal standards. What a way to alienate the fat kids, eh?
Long about 4th grade, I had finally understood that the power of refusing to do something that I wasn't comfortable doing. My mom had always told me that, good thing to know, eh? Anyway, that year I took an empowering stand and refused to be weighed by the nurse. She was dumbfounded. Aghast too. A combination of the two, most likely. Poor Ms. Perazino had lost her power over me. What was really cool was that when I refused, other kids refused too. YAY! It was a great moment. Ya had to be there. ;-)
I believe that in years following that I was still called down, but I don't believe they ever requested me to step on the scale again.
Come junior high, not only was I called down to the nurses office at one point, but they contacted my mum and called a public health nurse to come to visit my home during the summer months. The public health nurse came to see me and my mom to talk about food portions, etc. I remember thinking that the little rubber half cup of baked beans seemed like a little amount...I guess I was a baked bean nut back then. She also during her visit asked me to step on the scale. I refused. I think she wanted my mom to force me on the scale, but instead she supported me in the decision. Way to go mom! (On a side note, my mom was fairly thin all of her life...she hovered between size 10 and 14 most of the time. When she was ill I believe she got up to a size 20...nowhere near to my size.) Anyway, that refusal was another victory for me and my wee self esteem.
In high school I was contacted one time about my weight by the nurse. A huge issue was not made of my weight...that I knew of...

Long about 19 years old when I was taking care of my ailing mother (she died of emphysema related complications when I was 20...), my mom and I talked about a lot of things that she normally protected me against. She spoke one time about the calls she would get from the high school nurse and counselor about my weight. I had no idea they even contacted her at that time. Anyway, the counselor and/or nurse made comments to her that I would "never amount to anything" and "never have a *normal* social life" or life at all unless I lost weight. What was really curious about it in retrospect was that I had a very active social life, I was involved in a ton of after school activities, I was the editor of the high school yearbook, I was the treasurer then president of the Thespians, I helped start the video yearbook, I had a decent grade point average, etc, etc, etc. This was in a school of 2,100 kids, so no small feat to be accomplished with so many others waiting to fill in the gaps. What were they basing this diatribe upon? Their own failings in life that they blindly based upon one's weight? Anyway, I'm sure as a mother she hated to hear those things. I felt bad for her when she told me....to basically be told that she had failed as a mother 'cuz I would be such an unproductive citizen when I left the school. What a horrible thing to hear on the other end of the phone, eh? I felt so bitterly angry at the Stillwater School district for doing that and believing their own diatribes so much that they would call parents and harass them. How simply wrong they were.